The word prompt for today is Abandoned. So I’m going to try to keep up with these word prompts everyday and write something. Keeping up with the vibe of the blog, I am going to be writing my experiences and what these word prompts remind me of or what is the first thing comes to my head.
Like I’ve said before, I have had a very happy life so far and have never really felt abandoned as such. Abandoned, to me it relates to the feeling lonely and i guess there was only once I came close to that feeling and this is the story of that day.
My dad passed away when I was 2 (no no..don’t feel bad, I have no memory of him, so no sadness there), but I would be lying if I told you that I never imagined how different my life would have been if he was still around or if I even remembered him. Would it be better? worse? I would like to believe that it would have been just different – not better, not worse.
There is this place called Gokarna, it is quite close to Manipal, a stoner place if i may say so myself. I have never been of course! One day when I was home, this topic of Gokarna came up and I asked mom if she had ever been there, She said yeah she has – one time. For my dad’s last rites (only 2 places close to Mangalore that conduct these rituals). Followed by awkward silence.
I’m back in Manipal, chilling with a beer mixed with wine (yeah that was a combination), standing on the balcony of a friend’s place with Mr. AB looking at the random traffic and lights at night. It suddenly hit me, I did remember Gokarna, sitting on my mom’s lap and taking part in the rituals.
It was and will be one of the saddest points of my life – the time I realised that the only memory I have of my dad will be last memory ever. It was this sadness that overtook me and it still is a feeling that I cannot explain to anyone. It is a memory I wish I did not have.
That point, in the balcony, I felt close to being abandoned, feeling completely alone!
But hey! everybody has these moments right?? I try not to think of it.